Journal #2 11th November 2013

Today's journal entry is from 2013 when my anxiety and depression was at its most severe. Please do not read, if you think it may be triggering. 

11th November 2013

"I might as well be in prison for an offence I didn't commit. Many just get on with their lives whilst thinking that Amy will be okay. But perhaps Amy won't get on with it. Amy is struggling so much she cannot bare to see the light of day. Maybe, Amy isn't as strong as you think she is. Perhaps she is screaming and crying on the floor, losing the will to keep going. Maybe you should ask more often, because that's all she needs to be saved.

The eyes of my peers burn through me as I walk into school. Questions sprout in their minds as to where I've been and what's wrong with me. They may think that I'm weak and that I'm skiving, but little do they know that I am strong. If people act in such away towards me, then I cannot be surrounded by them. 

The girl everyone used to know is broken. Demons have taken over her mind and soul but the anger has given her the determination to go on even though they're both battling with similar force. This girl will defeat them.

Perhaps she manages to get to school one day but unfortunately this doesn't mean that everything is okay. It is absolutely immoral to think so and if you want to know the truth, then just ask. 

The pale face, broken skin and dark clothes are all resulting from the effort that can barely be found. It reflects the feelings towards life. The broken face caused by endless tears and lack of food, the clothes that used to fit and too big and fall of her weak bones. 

I'm wasting away and people are too scared to say, but I promise it will be okay."

Here I am. I am okay and perseverance made sure I got through the hardest of times. Even if all seems lost, you have the possibility to get better. You can get better. If I can do it, you can do. Three years later, I am here and I am on my way to recovery. I have every faith you can do it too.

Best Wishes,
Amy Xx