I don't know what it is, but I spend a lot of my time feeling quite numb. I presume it's my medication, which I hope to be coming off soon to see it makes a difference and also to see whether I'm well enough to live without it.
For a long while, I have felt less than I feel I should. Sometimes I struggle to feel happiness, in the same way I struggle to feel love and sometimes sadness too. It's really weird for me, because although I have never worn my heart on my sleeve, a lot of the time and in the past I have felt more numbness than I have happiness. And although this can been seen to be part of depression, the pure distance and spacing-out seems to be a side effect or either my disorder or medication. This is because sometimes with anti-depressant medication, it can blanket how you're feeling to try and compensate for the depression. It's also possible, which may be in my case, for the medication to change and not work in your favour like it used to, and that's okay. My medication was my lifeline, but perhaps now after three years, it's time for a change. I would still always suggest medication to those struggling, because it saved my life.
I suppose it can be quite scary to not feel like other people, and the way perhaps you should feel. But, with time and will I'm hoping that I will reach myself again. I know that people around me have noticed that I've become more distant and away with myself and it's not a nice thing for others to experience, let alone myself. I know I don't want to feel like this anymore and I know that it's going to take time to get back to normal.
You've just got to hold on in there.
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