Mental illness is a horrible disease. It kills, it destroys people's lives and it doesn't have concern for who it attacks next.
I can safely say that during darkest depths of my depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety, it was hell on earth and even to this day I can still struggle. But in a strange way, I feel it has made me who I am. I feel perhaps without this challenge in my life, I might not have achieved all of the things that anxiety has made me do. I feel if I hadn't been on this journey, then I wouldn't have gotten to the level of strength that I have today. I don't think I would have ever gotten out of my comfort zone and I reckon I would still be super shy with no driving license, without voluntary work and with never travelling by myself. Although this condition is so very detrimental, without the challenges that I had to overcome to live my life, I think I would still be doing very little and I think a lot of experiences I would have missed too, so in this way I am grateful.
I think it's important to see what your journey has brought you. Even with all the hell that you have been through, looking to see if there has been any miraculous times during struggle, might help you. I think you will surprised as to what you might find.